Taking Back Your Life

Taking back your life does not happen all at once. It happens in small, painful moments when you finally realize you do not recognize the person staring back at you in the mirror or feel like your old you.

I spent so much time trying to keep everyone else happy that I forgot what made me happy. I became quieter, smaller and easier to deal with. I stopped speaking up because it was easier than arguing. I ignored my own feelings because I had been made to believe they did not matter. Somewhere along the way, I stopped being me. It just wasn’t worth the battle anymore. 

The hardest part was admitting how much of myself I had lost. I could not remember what I enjoyed, what I wanted or what I believed anymore. My entire identity had become wrapped around someone else’s needs, moods and expectations. This is normal when you have children because we always put them first. But they do move on and out of the house. That’s when you realize you are gone. 

Taking my life back meant learning how to make decisions without feeling guilty. It meant saying no without explaining myself. I gave up all my hobbies for work. It meant setting boundaries, even when people became angry because they could no longer control me, mostly at work. I had to look at how to hold ground. You wouldn’t think this if you actually knew me. But I once was in your shoes. 

I was depressed and disappointed in myself for letting myself take this much control of my life.  I was doing the best she could to survive.I worked a lot of hours when I first started.  I learned to  stay quiet because I wanted peace. I accepted less because she was afraid of losing everything I worked so hard to build. What I did not realize was that I was already losing the most important thing, myself.

Finding myself again has not been easy. Some days, I still question my choices. I still do. 

Taking back my life means choosing myself, even when it feels uncomfortable. It means trusting my own voice again. It means understanding that I am allowed to have needs, dreams, opinions and boundaries.

I am not the same woman I was before I lost myself. I am stronger now, but not because I never break. I am stronger because I finally learned how to put myself back together.

This is my life, and I am no longer asking for permission to live it. I want to help other people take back their lives as well. You have a voice, inside you just need to use the keys in your hands you forgot about.